Confess Your Mess
Confess Your Mess

Episode · 2 months ago

Basement Kinks & Penetration w/ Dexter Mayfield

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

This week, the guys are joined by Dancer, Actor and Plus Size Male Model Dexter Mayfield. You can catch Dexter as a Judge on the new CBS dance competition show, COME DANCE WITH ME, premiereing Friday, April 15th. This week's theme is queer secrets, and for the first time in CYM history, our guest has not one but TWO confessions for us! You won't wanna miss this.

Dexter has worked with Jennifer Lopez, Sara Bareilles, and Katy Perry. He made his debut as a model in LA Fashion Week in 2015 walking for designer Marco Marco. From there, he has appeared on the covers of GAYTIMES, Attitude & Hardy Magazine & has been featured in campaigns for Fenty Beauty & Quay Sunglasses. Additionally, he has appeared in Taylor Swift’s music video “You Need To Calm Down” which has won two MTV Video Music Awards; as well as being featured in the Savage x Fenty Volume 2 Fashion Show.

If you'd like a chance to hear your secret revealed on the podcast, you can submit your secret on our website: ConfessYourMess.us

IG: @_AJGibson / @EmileEnnisJr / @ConfessYourMessPodcast

Twitter: @AJGibson / @EmileEnnisJr / @ConfessPodcast

Watch on YouTube

From Straw Hut Media

Strawt media and all that jazz. Wow, oh my gosh, oh my God, God, waits our guys. Aja. What's the thing with Kevin? Wow, Kevin Bacon? Six degrees of separations, that is that it is. It's five ors, yes, six, I think six degrees. So I feel like we have a different thing. That was Kevin Bacon with Rihanna, because or remember hosting class. When we took hosting class years ago, back in two thousand and twelve, our instructor and our mentor, Maureen Brown, who we love, and a door. I remember she was like, you know, it's funny because there certain celebrities people say their name one way. Say Rihanna, but it's actually Rianna. It's Rian. She says Rihanna, but then everybody says Rihanna. Whole World says Rianna. So then it's like, do you say Rihanna? Do you say Rihanna? But then she doesn't like it. Upset if you say Rihanna but her name is ran. Anyway, the point is with our next guest, Oh, we have the I'm not going to even like do the whole thing. Who our guesses? We have Dexter Mayfield, who first of all we're obsessed with. Yeah, let me tell you. So, I don't know how dexter saved our lives one night. Dexter, you, you have been in so many different things. You may have seen him in Taylor Swift's video, you need to calm down, which is an iconic video with him itself or, like we said, savage expenti volume two, or the voice on NBC. No big deal, listen, but behind John Legend. No, right, I mean you. You have been in this game for so long and you have a new show coming out April fifteen on CBS. Come dance with me, but your resume is so, so, so, so impressive. You're from Dallas and we're going to talk about that and rays and then I also want to point out you've worked with Jlo Sarabare Ellis, Katie Perry one. You have been on the covers, the covers of Gay Times, attitude and hardy. Well, you had campaigns with Vinci beauty and quay, which we love. Quick, wait, it's not. It's not pronounce quays its key, key. We all. I always get it wrong, but anyway, point being, you are such a fun personality. Now I'm going to let age welcome to the pot next to May feel. Now I'm going to Aj tell you and the people how you saved our lives one night. Okay, so pandemic has been going on for a couple of years and then we get invited to an event, right, and I knew of Dexter because you had pointed them out off from the savage ex funy. Yeah, but I didn't know Dexter. Right, and Y'all were like social media friends. Right, and we go to this event. It was the season Premiere for we're here on Expo Max iconic, right, Uriko Hara, Chamsla, like all the whole bit. Right. Everybody's there, everybody's helped, the fan, the Bam. Yes, and they did not get premiere part of the year before because of covid right. So the season just kind of came out, and so everybody came out for this thing, and you decided to wear high heels for the first time in your life out from events. Right, and I was already okay. So at the time, Dexter, we have a bit of social anxiety. We're definitely extroverted introverts. Right, and we can turn it on for the camera, honey, I can host a red carp in front of eleven million people live because I have yeah, and not break a sweat, don't think of thing about it. But you put me in a social setting where I don't know people, especially when there's like fierce, like Queer people everywhere, and I'm like, okay, I'm overwhelmed. We both talked to our individual therapist about and said we we're we wanting to be social. We had a we had a game plan going into that night. That's how much anxiety love it absolutely go to an event, we end up in a corner somewhere with ourselves, because the good thing is we have each other, and the bad thing is we have each other. Yes, if we were so low, we would have to like mingle. We see people that we kind of know through social media, like the power gaze or two instigates. We're like, we could go say hi to him, but no, we'll just stay over here. And so, yeah, we kind of were doing well a little bit. We were smiling at people, but we were actually talking. And then you saw me that you're like a male and that's like I...

...know somebody, but we had never met him personal. Yeah, and yeah, we have a and I instantly thought to myself, thank fucking God, because we now have somebody to hang out with a little bit, because I wanted to meet all the Queens, I wanted to see I wanted to but I was, I was, I was, I need a cocktail and he dexter, I didn't even know it mean multiple cutail love with you, not in that night. Fast forward to them, to night we ended up. Our good friend Lacy Mosley was there and we were in some other people had a little Kiki throughout the night. Was a fabulous events. But by the end of it, Dexter, can you just tell our listeners and our viewers how amules feet were holding up by the end of the night? This Poe baby. So I know how it is, because I was actually going to wear hill a lot about it and then I was like again, this is one of the biggest premier situations that you know, I had been invited to at the moment and when I got there I realized how big and I was so happy I did not yeah, we're here. So when I thought a meal, was not only in heels but in a good five to six and they were there. They they weren't, they weren't the comfortable he'll. They were sitting hill. If you're real, they're not a performance till. I guess you're not a sense platform. It was a straight up like heel. Yeah, it was a stiletto with up lift, the whole situation. It was a pad leather boot. So then flat to get it off. So I completely understand when they were cute, though, every let everybody know it worked with the ensemble. Thank herank you. Period, period. He looked. The look was the choice. We just didn't know there was an afterparty that were require more walking, and then not just more walking but more standing. Yeah, on concrete, yes, and or grass, yes. And for somebody like I know how I have to approach those like if I'm if I'm sitting down, the height they can go higher if I perform me, I need a little bit of sport. But when you're just standing in heels, it is the most annoying and most painful thing of life and you can't really like describe it. It's just it just all of a sudden the bottom of your feet go numb. Yep, and but if your feed a numb where's your weight placement for your entire body? Right? So set that to navigate that. M Yeah, so you have to navigate that. And so I had already know. I've been I've been seeing a meal like lean on every single thing that was in anybody's vicinity. Yeah, and I was like, I think, boo, it's time to take them off. Think, like when we were both leaving, I was like, you ain't gonna make it to the crime. I think no need to take them off. I was committed for the longest I was committed. Welcome to confess your men. We just come. What a wonderful in production. I love it all. Two types of mess Um. We're going to have such a fun episode. But before we get into some secrets. We don't know what this podcast is. We have listeners submit the secrets. Sure to people give us their confessions and you can submit your secrets at confess your mess dot us. You can be anonymous, you can leave us voice submissions, you can give us as a little or as much information as you want and it's a blast. Also, follow us on Instagram at confess your mess podcast and also also, yeah, but I don't want to know the rest of the social out and know the rest of them are. I know you know all it just look us up on socials, but also you can head over to apple podcast, give us five stars and write us a review, and if you do that, you might make it onto our pod next week as our messenger of the week. You can also rate us now on spotify. We yeah, you're excited. That to start a couple of months ago. So in just the moment we're going to start revealing our listeners submitted secrets with confessions. Dexter, and you brought two part a double WAMMI force. This is our first double way amy. I believe that for the AA, for the end that I now,...

...this is not something different. Dexter, the you know me that cuse that can tell it anyway, and I will. I love and our guests getting nervous. Right so. But but in order to trust you with all of our messenger secrets, right, we just want to know that you can hang, that you're down to reveal a little bit about yourself before we move forward in this process. I don't ye imagine what would happen if they said no to this. I guess the pop just be over, I don't know where, but goodbye. This is more of like a little vice or a bad habit that you have. Maybe it's a person that you still drunk text late at night, or it's a snack that you know isn't good for you. You can't let go of something along those lines. This is like you're little little secret. This is your mess. But yeah, I guess I don't if it, yes, I don't know. Just you know, crush is on go go boys. That, yeah, that's why I'm like, like, you know, I you know, no shade, no tin, no shade. I am a Gogo boy, so will always be a gogo boy. But, like, you know, just go go boys. They're really good pretty and time. Yeah, they really know how to do their jobs. That's all. Okay, man blames your sport us a little bit. So first of all, okay, so if you're in Weeh, because we talked to you before. So we talked to Dexter. We were like, we never go out. This is part of conversation and I were like, we never go out. We want to do like a drag brunt or something. He's like, Oh, hit me up, I'll go with you. So we still need to do that drag Bruntum, but if you're going out on a Friday night or a Saturday night. Where you going? Like, what's your number one spot? So one, I started Tom Toms. Always started Tom Times. Oh, yeah, I love, I beloved what's Hollywood, but I need music that I know and music of that Oh, hi, can recognize. Yeah, it starts playing right, and Tom Times is such a good way to start. that. Cute cocktails. That's lounge, so you don't have to necessarily be like pumping something nut not right, fifty, you know, go on a hundred miles an hour. But after that rocos is super cute. Again. They play songs that I know. Okay, I recognize as their recorded. That's amazing. And so at home, just just in case you don't, we're not in the scene. Starting at the bar with the toms from vanderpunt rules right, and then he's going on to Roccos, which is partially owned by Lance, bassive and sink. So Huh, so this is this is how his night is going continue, and then I'll either go to stash or remover, depending on the vibe and the DJ WHO's there. Oh Yeah, you always, and at the smaller bars, because everybody is always going to the big one. Yeah, you have. I'm like, I'm like no, let's end at the intimate places. Didn't you say the Chariokey, a revolver one night. Yeah, I say, carry about revolver and this dude who was on that, that that logo, bachelor, the finding prince charming show, like the game bas ago. This dude within there. He was trying to out seeing me while I was performing dream girls. Doesn't can't happen. I was they tell me who was the camera have to find his name. But and then when I was celebrating my birthday like a year later, his thirsty ASS was trying to flip with Aj while was there him. Huh Oh, you know I'm deathter. Yeah, he's try getting my DM for a while. It's cute. I used to bartend and he was like you. So I used to bartend a cross revolver at eleven years ago, and then I also used to work down the street of what's now the chapel, which was here lounge, yeah, in the day. and well, okay, so I who assed them both. I know. Well, I love I love the chapel. That's where I go to the back area of the chapel and I will dance my ass on. So, but before we move on to our secrets, back to your original so I'm thinking of revolver, I'm thinking of Roccos, I'm thinking...

...of all these places. But what I don't I can't picture the staff. We only went to smash for Princess. Really make over, go go. Yeah, he has good you're looking for a good go go dancer. Where revolver rock remove my got and like stash, is now starting to have got go go dancers. The platforms are are coming up and everything's happening. So they do. They just don't have them as much because, you know, stash is the Newest Barn and you know navigating the territory of what the new clarity that that lance bass open up across the street from my hearts. Have you got in their heart the former rage? I have gone there. They that is it really changed? I'll leave that up to interruptation. Location has a hard time finding there, there, there, there, there, there, and line this is this. I will say this. This is the most optimized use of space. Okay, for sure. HMM, way more steamless. They've definitely opened up the balcony and the back bar area, which a lot of people never knew existed. Yah, know, I never have so so yeah, no, you can go up and wow, see your wildest dreams. It's all right, but, Ya know, it's a beautifully, beautifully done lights everywhere. The kids are living. The kids love it. You know, it's just you know, I'm not as young as I used to be. I'm saying it's not as young as I used to be. Like, I guess the energy as the night goes along is something that I expect different and again, music that I can understand and died as it is recorded. And for those who don't know, that mean don't I don't want to hear unto untunt more than five minutes. Thank you very much. You're out. You don't want to go to the circuit party, and right, I hear that down, I will. Back in the day, I used to love me some go goes, male, female, didn't matter. I was out for my I think it was maybe my thirty birthday or something like that. Was a minute ago, just before I met you, and we were out and there was across the street from the appoint of clarification. Yeah, well, this one, though, was female and she was so fine and so amazing and she was so fun the whole night like being flirting and playful with us. She obviously knew I was very, very gay and she did not care. It was a blast, right, and at one point somebody like told me to like lick her, and she stuck her leg out and she was all sweaty and I licked her Shin, Lick the sweat. Yeah, I have to be then. That's a she was like hern at I. I don't remember. I was so drunk I have no idea. You licked her later. I looked at les. Listen this way before coronavirus, and then think it as it was a leg worth lifting, trulie, and she was my thing. I do remember. She was fire. And then you know this story. What? There was a go go and I worked at eleven and we were we pulled up next to me in the car, though, day he was driving like yeah, semped out like like super expensive SUV to Audy. No, wasn't an auty. Wasn't. It was Aoudy, but it was all pimped out, though. It was like it was matt just an Audie. Oh yeah, throwing shade right now. Shade it was. Story. Wasn't out and might have been a Matt Tesla, but still so he worked at wasn't a good answer at eleven. And he was so gorgeous. He had the most beautiful body in the most beautiful eyes and he would and he had green eyes. You're stunning. And he knew that I had a crush on him. He was also straightish for the most part, I believe. And so one night, at the end of our night, this go go dancer, who was always flirty with me during during my shift, Huh, walks over to me as I'm sitting down and counting, like we're still sitting down counting your money out of our buckets. It's like three in the morning by this point. We've closed down, we've cleaned whatever, and he's like you want this ass, don't you? And you know what he does? He turns around, bends over and pulses underwear down and literally shows me like it, like all of it, and I was like it, yeah, yeah, I was like, did this man to show me his what? Okay, and to their day, one an attention, he was all. He says, he's straight. To this day...

I've never I've never unseen it in my brain. Beautiful is gorgeous. So you still seating your brain? Let's get into these secrets. Actually, before we get into these secrets, let's take a break because Aja needs to reset and get his mind out of the guts her. Welcome back to confess your master, you getting jealous of meal and not really saw the jealous us. Gives me some right. We're gonna get you. We're gonna get into some secrets and I love, I love, Love, love that we're giving two secrets. And when you see the video, dexter has s's and x's because he's wearing savage. Is that savage expene? Of course, maybe that may be. Listen know, maybe you know what has first, savage EXPENCI. For Valentine's Day. I got him. Yeah, we matched about it underwearing the top and a harness with Jackie. All read the Valentine State. Jackie cops on the pot. We talked about this. Jackie. I'm well aware of the Valentines that very well aware of this jack he was like, I didn't know they had a harness. I was like, well, I got the harness. So sold out very quickly and hardness. They have jockstrapped, they lifted. They listen to the community. Yeah, listen to the community and they did that and that's all. Amen. Okay, let's get into these seekers now that we have had our key Ki Sash. Okay, okay, let's see. So frank goes through and they source all these secrets and they figure out which ones are good for this episode, the theme for this episode. They're queer secrets. So since we're all queer in fact, we're like, this will be a good thing for this episode. Okay. So our first secret comes from snow. Their name is snow. Okay, they're from Nigeria and their mal okay, I love the international listeners. Thank you. Nigeria, Nigeria. Oh Um, no, that's a Megan Fan. That is a tin of Snow Fan. Sure, that is a China Snow Fan. Listen back, think, got it. Okay. They said I had an affair with the guy while in a temporarily long distance relationship. I finally move my boyfriend over and the affair got cold but continued on and on for a little while. Then we lost touch and I stayed happy and committed in my relationship. About a couple of years later, when my boyfriend and I broke up, I rekindled the affair and we were going good for a while. Then I cut to a long while into a new affair, I started talking to my ex boyfriend again. So this is the second affair. So he he then started talking to the ex boyfriend again and found out he was having an affair with the same guy, and this guy had previously denied knowing my ex. Obviously it's all over now between I and the guy, but only I am my best friend know this, and officially now you guys, of course. PS. I love you guys so much. You're an inspiration to me in so many ways. In the mill a milir body is my goal body, but I want my ass bigger. Lol. I hope I am eventually able to spell more secrets with you guys, because you guys make me feel safe. Love you both. Just weary detail the very detailed child profession. Just so we're clear. It sounds like they were with somebody, they had an affair, they broke up with that person. Okay, so I got with the person who they were having an affair with and then they start having another affair and then his ex was having an affair. If it if you're here's the situation you and I have together. I'm having an affair on you, with texture. I know for you very confused. We'd put some names on the okay, with something. We learned this from Lacey Mosley on school. We did. You and I aren relationship in name. You and I, Emil and AH here in a relationship. I'm having the fair on you with Dexter. Okay, got it. Things don't work out with you and I, Dexter and I are now in a relationship, then Dexter's having an affair with with you and cheating on me. Now. But all along, Dexter heard told me I don't know who a meals. I've never met a meal, and you said that you didn't know who dexter was anything either. Together. But then you also having a new affair with somebody else, with another one. WHO's not tappinging that name? Sure, Marco,...

...because Dexter also model for Marco. Marco. That wow, those really cute. I like your way you did. You're so good. Man. Marco sounds like an opportunity for a thrubble to me, right, like, if y'all here into this same person, then what's the deal? Yeah, it's listen, man, it's I'm not gonna lie. Polyamory is not off the table. For anything and or anybody like it's two thousand and twenty two. We've all learned that we've been indoctrinated to some stuff that we really didn't need to be indoctrinated to. And if you just want to have you primary, secondary, all the areas, do you and half fun? Yeah, I think I agree with that, and but not saying that for us we want to be polyamorous. I think, though, for us we are very much supportive of that, because that also is a healthy communicative relationship. Right, if you based on transparency. It transparency, it's part of it. That's all you need. Like I think about idea, a fair part you're being secreted. It's always the lying that people it's the lies. The intention is to to save someone and then once you do that, whatever relationship or foundation that you had is done gone. Get the break, guys. What if you just communicate with your partner? Life would be so much simpler. I think the problem is polyamory in theory sounds like it will be fun for people, and some people do it successfully. I think the problem is some people they don't really want to be polyamorous. They actually like the thrill of having an affair and that's the separate that's huge. They like having. That's then. That doesn't constitute a polyamorous relationships another institute. That constitute certain words that, you know, I'm just going to keep to myself. But yeah, well, that's another layer of like the the institutions we've been, you know, brought up and they were talking about because this idea that it has to be just two people always forever. And I'll tell you, I didn't grow up until in our until our relationship, I've never seen a relationship like ours, and meaning that I don't know any of my parents, my aunt's, uncle's brother sisters who've been married for any significant amount of time that have like the super open, communicative relationship where if one person person had a kink or a fantasy that they wanted to act out, I don't know that they could even share that in their relationships, to be honest. Yeah, and what we have found is because we are monogamous and it's the two of us, that doesn't mean that there's not some playfulness that has explored, you know, throughout our relationship and discussions that are had and things like that. But what I have found that works for me and I think you would say the same. Is that just the ability to have the discussion with him is such a judge turnality that you are all that I need, because that is so sexy. You would even consider allowing me to go explore that. So then I don't need to and I'm going to stick around, and that works for us. Yeah, and some people are like that and that is fine. But, like, we talked about literally everything. Yeah, listen and there you go. That's the same. Yeah, so, Nigeria, just just try to be honest in the next round and maybe, maybe you might get a different outcome. Right, and that's you for sharing your secret with us. Thank you're supporting this. We precially well say hi to my family and idea I have. I haven't visited them, but they they visit us in the states. One's anyway. You don't know where they are. Okay, this is from Wade, British Columbia. Gender, I don't know. That's what they put love it. I spent all of high school where I had to hide my trans identity and just said I was interested in drag that's the whole secret. That's all secret. MMM, so it sounds like well, that's I mean that it's very similar to, you know, as we come out, oh, all of a sudden we're by that's why I started, you know, even though where, you know, neglecting actual bisexual people's experiences. So we can't, we should it to clarify. Let's not do that...

...anymore and your coming out process unless that's true to your experience. So I think that that's how I can relate to that. Like liking drag and I think the drag is the gateway for so many Trans People to explore. Like God, like I feel more comfortable in this being as in the being that I'm being presented to the world. So, like, that's a beautiful confession and just thank you for that. But I think that, you know, it's even take, for instance, this season of drag race. I was gonna say that, like Bosio or contestants now, three or four contestants now has come out as trans or non binary or exploring their transnist on top of the contestants who had already been in the competition. So I think it's just such a beautiful gateway to enter a safe space of really knowing who you are and and you never know sort of what your experience will do for somebody else because it doesn't carry. Colby was openly trans on the show and then Bosco just sort of revealed recently, and then also on the show after Kennedy, Hannity had a full breakdown saying how she felt so like safe to finally expressed this in front of these other Queens. And it wasn't that many seasons ago that we had our first trans contested on the show, like openly trans, right and Y and present to this trans and the celebrated on the show, and now it's open. This like Pandora's box of just just the evolution of beauty that's happening. Yeah, on the show, which I think iscluding will fill now, as you know, it's and I think that people get to be who they are. Yeah, right, and that's the beauty of safe spaces. As we as we navigate what's going on and what has been going on in this country for a while, but specifically, you know, all these laws and bills and bands that are going on as we navigate this, I think what we're saying, what we're crying out for, is members of the queer community, or I can speak for myself at least, is that safe space is so necessary. Right. So we weren't to the HRC dinner recently, recently, and one of the things that really moved me was, I can't remember who was speaking, it might have been interim president, and they were saying how damaging it was with some of these bills and laws going into effect, because they remember coming out to their English teacher, yeah, and how that was a safe space for them. And I remember, like, looking back, I didn't necessarily I didn't come out in high school to anybody. I didn't come out intil I moved out here in la but or to La but I do remember that there were, quote unquote, safe spaces where I didn't necessarily come out to these teachers or to this administrator. But you knew space and I knew and so, because I didn't feel comfortable in spaces around other people my age and around other guys my age, but I could go, I would go. This is sad kind of but I and that of going to lunch. What volunteer during lunch in the library because I was a safe space for me. I volunteered in the front office. So yes, that with the secretary. I was terrified here it every day or I'd go hang out. I'd go hang out with Mrs Clocklesh, who was the ceramics, the arts teacher, yeah, whose husband was actually the mayor of our town, but she was this Hippie, dippie little stone or teacher. Yeah, and I wasn't out, but I knew she was safe for whatever was that was inside of me that I was trying to imagine being in an environment where even the mention or or discussing those things. And obviously that's high school. But I knew I was gay since I was like three, so five or six for me for sure, and I added it. I don't need to get into how I knew, but I knew. And so I'm just saying, you know, with this particular secret, is not uncommon that you didn't feel comfortable in high school, and I will say I'm glad you're sharing that secret. That's and it sounds like you're still on your journey. And also, I think it's also worth pointing out, and Dexter, you made a really great point, to not not to necessarily like try to latch onto the by experience, unless that's actually your experience. But also another...

...factor here is when was the story like? When when was your coming out? When were you hiding? Because I initially came out to my parents as by because it was the safest thing for me to do out the time. But this was also twenty one years, twenty two years ago. Yeah, and so has changed. The conversations have changed, and for me to actually go from what they thought they knew about me all the way to gay was a bit a bridge too far. Yeah, so bisexual gave them a little bit of hope and the months until I was able to actually say I'm actually just very are gay. Yeah, so, and that's the thing. It was always kind it was more of a cautionary yeah, thing to do because, if that's the thing, you were giving them hope, because it's again us trying to appease someone else, even though we're trying to live our are lived experience anthentically, and we're still thinking of someone else because of what they would say. I felt kind of you know, you know what I'm saying. So it's again just on learning all these bad habits, you know, and just learning to be better and be okay to disclose like, Hey, this is something that I don't feel safe doing at home. Cannot confide in you, because I think those that that is another thing that we kind of missed, at least when I grow up, is that identifying adults who could really share and guide us down that path and especially trying to take that legally, take that away. It's so frustrating. Well, I'm glad you touched on that, because you are from the state of Texas, and very much so. There is a thriving queer community in the state of Texas. However, they're being targeted right now. What do you say to the kids back home and their families who are just trying to be seen and remain, you know, visible? What do you say to your home state? I think that for the specifically for those who are doing it the right way and being transparent with their parent, it's or with someone that's important in their lives, don't change any of your approach. Like, I know that these bills and these intimidation Tactus, because it in text us, at the end of the day, like you literally cannot legally do this. You can go to a parent of a transperson and be like you're committing child to it's like there's no possible way that you can actually do that. That's why they keep cock trying to come up with legislation where you can stick and sue people for it's, you know, like that. It's literally no way for it to happen, and they're just fighting tooth and nail to keep it the same way, because their way of life is being exposed. It's problematic and it's like, just let it go. Guess what could happen if you just stop pressuring this these young people who just want to live their lives? It's not your life, Mr Abbott, it's not your life Texas Attorney General. Like, just let people live and you won't even be bothered by them at all. So just stay strong, stick to you what you know and just keep going. Just keep going and keep being you. That's that's that's that's the simples as it gets. Kids a man. And guess what, Governor Abbot? Yeah, might learn a thing or two and you might actually realize that you love our community because we are vibrant and we are gorgeous and diverse and a whole lot of fun. Period. Period. Let's take a quick but I said, I rather a better myself. That's a good time to take a break. will be right back for confessed US okay, let's get into a Moss sequets. I think we have two more. Okay, Jason, New York City, Mal Hi Boys, you just popped up in my youtube algorithm and I loved and lived for it. Wait to the algorithm just work for us for the first time ever, apparently. Wow. So here's my secret, and...

...in all caps it is messy as hell. I love straight men, like to a point where it's become my fetish. MMM MMMMM. I don't have romantic relationship with them, but I have a rotating cater of seven or eight straight guys that regularly break me off. News Flash, NOT THAT STRAIGHT RIGHT. One of them even is the super of the building next door to me. With every one of them, it started as just straightforward, unreciprocated Oralsex through a glory hole. It always progresses every one of them, every single one. It starts off that way, through a glory hole because, you know, to be putting a glory honder like I don't have to see them, so I can just pretend like I'm not whatever. It always progresses to weigh more like me getting raw dogs in the dirty basement while they pull my hair. These guys very in level of attractiveness and D size. All of them have wives, some have kids. I swear it makes me orgasm harder than I ever had with actual gay or bisexual man. I don't know if it's the mindful of knowing they're going back to their wives after or if it's because it's so taboo, but I'm starting to not want to have sex with gay men, even more so when it comes to the APPS, because I could be a model and it still gets insulted or turned down. Some of the straight guys are so appreciative after it makes me feel good to be their outlets. Come dump. I'm tested every three months in arm prep. So that's my mess. Please don't judge me, but also, any advice is appreciate it. Okay, I'm trying not to judge Y. Okay, yeah, I'm not joking. I'm beach. I'm a straight up hi. I'm not this and this is not a confessed mess situation. Here go. But aside from the problematic, you know, straight fettization and you know all those things right. To be honest, of the people that do come to me on the APP, the straight ones are always way respectful, way more like actually, like interested in conversation and getting to know me as a human being and you don't have to deal with the messiness that the community can sometimes bring. So I get that. But aside from all the like, you know, the really kind of mentally damaging things he's kind of putting them through, I understand why connecting with someone who doesn't identify as gay can be a bit of a fresh fresh who can't be a bit of fresh air? But no, we do not get off on them going to deceive NS. That's what we're not going to do. Yeah, going to do that. Not that it's always comes down to the line for me, and if there's lying and deception going on and people are being hurt unwillingly, than I think that it's it's bad and I think that this person probably gets off on these scenarios because it's all they've ever known and it's become like a routine and I think there's some therapy that needs to happen somewhere, conversations that need to happen, and I'm not judging the person. I feel for the person because I've been in a situation where I dated somebody for years and our sexual relationship was non existent. We were best friends. I wanted more and I started to feel really terrible about myself because it wasn't happening right and this person had a long history of some religious junk that they had to deal with their life. A beautiful human being. Were still friends to this day, but that person cheated on me with my best friend and revealed to me that it was the sort of the danger and the naughtiness of it that was able to like get him off, and that's hurtful because I really love deeply and I know that he loved me and he still does. But there were such a damage at that point in his life that he was unable to even have sexual relations with me in a healthy, committed relationship because of all the underlying stuff that he'd been through in his life that he had not addressed. He's very much in a happy relationship now and living a great life, but he addressed it and change. I think that this situation there needs to be like some evolution going on.

Here's what I'll say again. I really don't judge. I understand people have kings and fetishes and I get all that. I don't always support necessarily. It's not mine, but it bothered me when you like. It was already bad for me. I am just a little bit. It was already bad for me. Let me keep it real. But I'm actually like the straight aspect of it. I can understand to a degree, like like Dexter said, like you might like the difference of but again, they're not really straight there. They're definitely curious or something really bad. That's why I corrected my statement. I said they don't identify as gay. I didn't say that they was straight. Right. Yeah, so let's not put a label on them, but it was. When I read the part about the the the ones that have kids. Yeah, it just had a secret before where some in it, it gets hard for me. What I will say, though, is maybe try exploring this. If you were into a certain type of man, maybe find a gay guy who identifies as a gay, who maybe presents himself in a more quote unquote, straight or masculine way. Whatever. That is. It you're intents a character. Right, as opposed to or option that I was going to have is you can get somebody like age and I. We role play. So sometimes he's professor, I'm the students. If you have somebody that you start dating, it could be a situation where you let them know and granny again, you still need some type of therapy, but it could be a situation where he is acting a certain way in those sexual situations that turn you on in the way that you are turned on by those people, without actually having that baggage attached to it. There's yeah, there's a lot. I will also option three. Yes, look for single, Bi sexual or fluid men. Yea Ten to negate them, and they exist and they are beautiful human beings. Yeah, I would say go down that road, as well as an option someone who's single or at least in a transparent relationship. Yeah, open, transparent, like you can still go for someone that may not identify as a gay male, but also go for someone who's not deceiving people, because you could actually build an atra or build a relationship with that person without the problematic teams of hurting other people a thousand percent, because what it sounds like this person's actually into is the the sort of mass and an approach to sex one and also that they actually treat them kindly with ris that we see. Yeah, gay men and and first of all, not all gay men are going to disrespect you. By the way, but also they're very much so there are so many more options than just straight or gay. Yeah, and and that's that's the the gray area, if you will, that you need to explore, because children will be hurt in these scenarios. But let's also into this person up. I'm not going to credit this person, but I don't want to drag this person completely and say it's all your fault. Those men have children and wives. They hold culpability in this as well, even more so. Not Culpability, all, one hundred percent of the accountability does on them. Yeah, yes, it's not this person doesn't have children. Yes, person, because this isn't the habit that. This is a habit that's been formed over time. And yes, it's because, again, they don't feel they can live their authentic lives. That and and also, we could we could also be assuming and jump in the gun. We don't know if these men are transparent with their partners and or their children. Could also be an option. That could also be an option to so they yet they might be very well, that may very will be married to when a woman who's like into the kinkiness of it and she and she likes to know what happened, because I would tell you right now. I know, I know men's this is who are very upfront with...

...their wives and their partners take more of a like. I'm not a man, I cannot provide that. Let me not disrespect his space for, yes, being attracted to that or you know what I'm saying. So again, transparency and communication, all right. Right. My curiosity is if this person is still be turned on if he found out that these these men are being transparent their wife, because it sounds like they're turned on by like the naughtiness that's in that suse that they look into, exactly, because they all starts of the glory hole is becoming a come dump in the basement levels to it. All right, so let's you literally level their words, not mine. Okay, so the last secret before you get into Dexter's secrets. Don't feel way. Dexter came with two secrets. Okay, anonymous female Nebraska a healthy secret. For me, my fam doesn't know that I'm gay, but I'm not very close with them and they don't deserve to know if they can't love me in my fullness period. MMM, I don't keep secrets from my chosen family literal lot he's doing. To praise that. They said. I don't keep secrets from my chosen family and friends and I am surrounded by Queer Queer Queer love. Yes, I really am an open book. I just don't tell my homophobic blood relatives, because one safety and to I only share of people I trust. Love You, guys, shout out to you, and I in a female in Nebraska. She said, first of all, I know who I am and I am who I am and I love who I am. And if you don't get that, HMM, who knows? But I will say this. Yes, give your family the opportunity to show up and be there for you and love you, and then if they don't, then they can kick rocks. That's good. That is good. Yeah, that's real, because I will tell you we we've talked about this on the pod quite a bit and we've gone through the emotions of planning the wedding and then finding people's varying levels of support for our relationship, which has been shocking in some instances after nine and a half years. And some of it is just things that we've taken maybe a little bit more personally than they're actually intended. Sometimes it's other issues that are keeping people from attending, and that's totally fine too. And we've had to kind of process all of our emotions. Don't even care anymore. Yeah, what we're at a point now where we're like, we love who's going to come and support us? And that's okay. And we had recently on our pot if et Nicole Brown, and after the pod she hung out and chattics. We've known her for years and haven't caught up, you know, facetoface, for a while, and she prayed over our relationship and prayed for us and our marriage and our ceremony and everything. You're not going to make cry on. That's what you're not gonna do. It was beautiful. It was it was just a really good, credible you in moment, just a wonderful woman. And and she said, listen, yeah, want people there who don't want to be there for you anyways. And my own sister, my only full blood is sibling in the world, you know, has changed in recent years and she can't support our marriage for some reason now, and that devastated me for a long time. But she knows exactly who I am. I gave her the opportunity to love me, and she did until she didn't, and now I just don't hold space for her in my life anymore and that's been difficult to sort of process. He's been there for a lot of it, you know, supporting me through it, and some of my family they finally they get it. I think we all wish it were different, but you can't force anybody to love and I love this, I love this outlook from her and I love what you said. At least give them the chance. Let people show you their true colors, right so you can. I Love I love that you are open and you are you have your chosen family and your friends. At least, like Dexter said, give them the opportunity when you feel because she did say one was for safety. So if you feel like you can. Yeah, I like. Yeah, I didn't come out. I didn't come out and time I moved to La. Y'All notice, if you listen to the pot I'm from Atlanta, the Bible Belt, and my day bed like to my to the Reil, the close, close family. Same, literally same and...

...and funny enough, I don't know if I tell you just my mom text me the other day and she said that they're essentially planning in two thousand and twenty three, I'm also have to make him my mom's are making. She said they're planning like a family trip with all of her brothers and sister. She has like six or seven and brothers and sisters and they want to all me in Jamaica with all the kids. And I pause and I said, she said, I don't know how you how you feel about that if you want, and I was like, I'm have to like pray about that and think about that, because they're still certain family members who have never acknowledged that I'm gay, have never talked about have never talked about Aj but yet they want to call and reach out when they see me on TV or they see something going successful in my career. Are they then all your sudden and yeah, I love me, Oh he's on, Wendy will? I'm not even talking about them. I'm talking about some who literally not talking about the family. You know about brothers. Hmm, let me be quiet for but anyway. So I have to think about that. But it also breaks my heart because we used to go the Jamaica almost every year growing our dog is named king you think Kingston, and so we used to go to make almost every year. I haven't been to Jamaica since two thousand and eight and I remember I said that I was gonna go in two thousand and eighteen. I was going to try to go and that didn't work out, and so it's been over a decade since I've been back and I'm conflicted because I've never been to Jamaica as an out proud gay man and it's very homophobic there, and so I want him to experience Jamaica if we did go, I don't know how that experience with or what it would lovely my invite. How will say to that? Would say that the separate trip. I would say this especially like when it comes and specifically like traveling to destinations like Jamaica or ti land, Bolly, for instance. Yeah, you wouldn't think they're safe space, but baby, we don't find a safe space. Oh, we know matter and the world. Thailand we felt. So come on, boy, okay, that gives Weho a run for his money. And Me, Dad, Huh, is literally half a block and that is all you need. I would like. We Love Bolly. We are right before the pandemic. Yeah, God, we did, because idacation made your vacation. I would like much fun. Yeah, I feel like I was went out of here before the pandemic. Yeah, we went to different areas of bolly. We're there for like thirteen days, but we went to are. One of my favorite areas was Simon Yea. Yeah, I know, and it was like this beach club that we went to and it was yeah, and it was this. I think our the the same. It's with sand Latin. Maybe, I think. I think, I think, I can't remember the place. We have some very pandemic just change things we forgot, but we'll go back for sure. But you're right and and listen, you always have to be aware of yourself as queer person traveling anywhere. But there are, say, spaces, you can find places. I would go to Jamaica. Yeah, and it is one of is. We stay on the resort and we do our research ahead of time, I know, but it's just so beautiful and the go to dunserver falls like actually explore. But all you can go. You can go like to websites, like gay cities of different things like that. You can find like the safe, safe area and also, luckily, you and I aren't, I hate to say, luckily, but if we're out in public, we're not necessarily getting clocked as the gayest guys in the world. Right A, but after I have some drinks in me. Listen, baby, listen, we just don't drink off the resort. That's that's the game plan, and it is sad, but it's yeah, I want to go Jamaica, navigator, listens, all right, let's take another break. And they were going to come back, but then we're going to navigate our way onto a double features. So now it's time for Dexter, may feel, to confess your mess. I can't believe I'm Denis. Okay, so first too Fart, which is too bad. I have never had a boyfriend...

...like ever. It's used to be sad, but I'm fine with it because, yeah, my outlook on relationships is so informed just from seeing friends and doing vibing how I feel through the space, and it's just like, I think that that's kind of what also has helped me, I guess you could say, and my journey of self love, because I really had time to just really focus on like, who in the hell are you, Dexter, and how can we build our relationship together? As an individual before we get bring anybody else into it. So that's a bonus, at least from my fan point. The more frustrating part two of this is that I have not had penetration and about four years either. Or Hmm, if that makes sense. So, yeah, exactly my meth. Okay, the I don't think that's messy. I think that that's actually very vulnerable and real. So thank you for sharing that with us. Yeah, and I think we also put so much emphasis on penetrate of sex, like it's the only way to have pleasure with somebody, and and also also that yet to you, it is not he that's it. Yeah, okay. Well, okay, so I want to go to your first part of your secret and and say that for you to be so selfaware to say that I need to get to know myself and that relationship needs to be solid before I'm going to bring somebody else into this mess. Right, that is beautiful. A lot of people need to file that advice. Huh. And this, this name to my left, has been on a date with one person is entire life. One he's had one boyfriend ever and he's marrying him the summer. It's me. So you don't listen, I dated a lot of dudes. I kissed a lot of frogs to get to my prints, a lot to get to my king frogs, and so never turned to no pass Boys Rights Day. I had a lot, a lot of practice. I had a lot of really great sex. Yeah, I was, sorry, ready for him. I wouldn't say agree. It was me, like I'm shy, but I think that oftentimes our society puts so much so like quantity and not quality. Huh Right, Roy's looking for more, more and more and more and more. That doesn't mean it's better, period. So do what you got to do to get it all right so that when you meet the one, whoever the one is, if there was one or two or three, whoever it is, that the can get the best Dexter Mayfield, that that that you could ever present. So I love anything actually listen to you and then, and then, and they make great toys for the other stuff. Listen. If you ever, if you ever do an only fans or you decide to explore, you know that part. You could name the one of your videos sliding into the DM, but it's like the Dexter may food. You Bet you better pay ten. You you know because you know she's gonna be on CBS. You know, mopower, it's all my only fans, creators and everybody who exists in that space. You know. But you know, I can't do it at the moment. The moment servative exactly. We gotta read the room first, but if I were to, that would be a beautiful, beautiful idea. Listen, I feel like some people about to be sliding your DM's because you are going to be on CBS and millions of people are going to know you for the first time. Brand new audience. Yeah, let's talk about it. So, first of all, Aj was telling you before the pod that he's known Trisian Miranda for years. Used to be a trainer's her trainer and Tristram Man Miranda's on the show with you. I personally don't have any connections to show or dance besides you. However, I will say Aja knows this. It is one of my dreams to be in one of those like in the Millennium Studio and do one of those videos. Ready to go for it and back where? Yeah, or do you think I can do it?...

Yes, okay, so here's the I'm not good Choreo. Dexter, you might be a little break of course you can move. Yes, you can move. We believe. I read of them. We both have rhythm. H You're actually a really good dancer when you get out of your head, because, and maybe it's because I have a little more to drinking, me too, but when you have a couple drinks in you, yeah, and you start vibing. You actually I remember there was one time we were coming home when you were just dancing like up a storm and I was like, Oh damn, like he's good. Oh yeah, that reaction. Yeah, I thought you were so sexy, but I think you get inside your head a little bit and you don't let that part out. Will come back to me. But I want to know about the show. So whatso, for people who don't know, the show comes out April fifteen on CBS a PM. What is what's the show about? What makes the show different than other dance shows? Like why should we tune in? It just brings me so much joy to life. I actually all thank you, but it does bring me really so much joy to be a part of this beautiful new show. It's called come dance with me and the basically we have a young beautifully talented dancers between the age of about ten to fifteen and they ask an adult or, in this season's case, their parents, to come dance with them. So it's very similar to having an experience dancer and a not so experienced mover, as we've seen on another show called dancing with the stars. But we combine that where it's like the the child and the parent element and it's just so beautiful. And these families, these entire teams, are also talented and I just cannot wait for everyone to see how beautiful and how unifying the show really is. It just it just I'm just so proud to be a part of it. I absolutely adore and love my TV family, Jenna and Trisha and and we're just so excited for everybody to see some beautiful entertainment. No, I think that's so it's so gorgeous and I love that a major network like CBS is giving the platform to regular people, because I'm kind of I'm kind of overseeing celebrities get more and more and more and more and get showcased more and more and more and more. Like I'd like real people's stories. That's what interests me. Yeah, and so I can't wait to tune in. I love watching dance too. I've always I've said this before. I wanted to be a dancer when I was a kid so bad. Give us my Tama. Tell you this right now. These parents get dad, yeah, they we. It's gonna be some more bookers in the families by the end of the show. I feel it. I already know, like it's just it's okay, just so much heart, so much high start, much time to start a family right now. What we gotta START? No family. We can start by taking a dance class with just the two of US first. I guess that's probably came up. Well, I'm I mean to be honest, a lot of these fans, all of all of these parents, actually, all of these parents went and had first and maybe they can't wait for you to see. I literally cannot wait for you to see. It's a competition. Still, it is a competitions for one hundredzero doll that's some got some coin. Okay, so we'll see. If what you're talking about starting a family, you know, we can't just like you know, do it family. So we'll start the family paying for a third or adoption, whatever, and then what we don't win. Well, listen, we can adopted an eleven year old be on the show next year. See, looks all right, you right, okay, but we will. But then it's the cover. Or we'll just watch and support. Yeah, we'll...

...just go down sometime and just like skip the rest. Listen, either or all options are on the table. I know, I want to know. How how did they how do they reach out to you? You know, because you embody such love and light, but you're not the body type that's oftentimes been showcased on shows like this. Right, and Rihanna gave you a chance, and you and you, but you've been making some chances for yourself for many years, right. So when CBS reached out, how did that conversation go down? Like, how did they approach it, and what did that feel like? For one, I was very shocked. I got an email from my agent and he was like so, Dexter, you thinking about going into TV at all, because CBS wants you to possibly judge a dance show? And I was like, Ha, ha, ha, you're kidding. I'm gonna ANSWER, sure, but whatever, this thing happening. Cut To next day, meeting with executives from yes that got real really fast, and all I can say is, like, after the process of, you know, securing the Gig, I will say that I completely like bald, like a little child's and it was and especially like this was again still during the pandemic. So for an opportunity like this to come around, I was just like jaw drop hit in the chest. Kildn't believe it, and that my experience of being a dancer who does not look like everybody else actually worked in my favor, because I can provide an experience that a lot of people haven't been able to see and or share or do anything on their screens. You know, we're finally getting into a place where, not just with dance, but like bigger bodies are finally being included in the conversations when it comes to diversity and when it comes to like just being included in the conversation, because a lot of times people just discount us for being like unhealthy, Lazy Farts, and it's just like that's not the case where human beings, our bodies just look different, and that is in so like I think that, because I did have that experience of pushing to the pavement and just hustling in this industry, because I don't care what anybody says. Kim Kardashian gave beautiful advice, because I have to work hard to get to where I am, and baby me and Huh have too, completely different last so I think that if you really love something and if you're passionate about it and you put in the work, it will come to you over time. You just have to put in the work, which is what I heard from Miss Kim. So, Hey, man, I Miss K yeah, I get why people are dragging her a bit, but I also support the the the the thought process behind it. It does require hard work and I think oftentimes people, this generation in particular, just wanted to like just be like, well, sorry, it's just too much. Like if you're working hard, she wasn't talking to you. Yeah, and if you don't work and if you don't work hard, she was talking to you. I hear you. You know I work hard. So I was like, she ain't talking too. I got my start hosting years and years ago on an aftershow for so you think you can dance, and it was my favorite show for many, many years, and I remember a dancer on I think was Benj season Don Yelle. I think it's Don Yelle Jones, and she was literally my heart, my absolute heart. So remember, though, when she was on she was like the first plus size and she's not even that plus. She's no reason I'm dancing. When I saw Donnielle I was like, Oh, maybe I can actually do this. Man, funny story, and it doesn't Bob. Trisha Chrishus her actual best friend, like they are best friend, like church, like...

Trisha choreograph one of her Solos, like on the show, like Trisha choreograph that. They have been such guiding lights, like physical guides, in my life through the dance industry. Trisha was one of the first people that gave me an opportunity to perform live. Dan Yelle was literally my first teacher who I ever assisted in dance class. She's like because of those two women I am here. So I have known Trusia for so many years and Daniell. I just remember being so moved by her movement and they made such a Howard going how our storyline out of her body type, which looking back is so wild, but at the time we didn't see that body type anywhere and dance on television, on tour with our favorite po remember around what year that was? Oh Gosh, that was two thousand and seven. I don't need I can already tell him because that's the heir. That's the year I decided I was gonna try and do this. So like I already know what your was first moved out here. Absolutely. And just speaking of Daniel, we have to send her so much prayer and so much love. She's currently being hospitalized due to hire cancer diagnosis. She's stage four. She still pumping, she's still going, but I just want to send so much love and so much prayer to her and just keep fighting, my love. We Adore you. Hmm Dexter, you I will say a as we wrap up the POD. You talked about when ajs. You know how you found out about the opportunity the press, and you said you know, your agent reached out and then like the very next day you were talking to CBS execs. I know you have an agent, we have agents and all these different things, but I think that story in itself is remindered though. You talked about heart work. Regardless of how many lights you're getting, if the follower account is growing or declining, you still put in the work and you never know who's watching. It just takes one person something about know who's watching right. Never know. There's like about this person that I I love, that gravitate to and for you. You bring us so much joy every time you pop up on our feet. You exute this confidence and this this light about you that even if somebody's having a bad day, you just you, you brighten their day. So I think so proud of you. I know you've had so much success, but this is such a huge opportunity for you and we will definitely be supporting, watching and also recording our dv are. Yeah, just make me smile. Yeah, you're just don't you don't even need your dv are, because maybe we're coming to paramount plus every week. So it's all okay. We got our paramount plus. We subscribe everything, by the way, over when streaming APS came out and we were like we are not subscribing all these different things, every single one of them, and I would not change going back to table album. Wow, I'm still paying for still heavy. So there you go. Okay, so every you listen to the pots, you know, but every single episode we like to end with the takeaway of the day. So from this episode. What would you say is your takeaway? My takeaway from this episode and ironically, just you know, just the line throughout where everybody just be yourself, be transparent, just love yourself before you love everybody else. And if you love and everybody else, just tell be a people, what you're doing. That's it. Just be transparent people. If you do that, then when you confess that you sleeping with whoever, however, no one will judge you because everybody already know the tea. So good, so good. We love you, Dexter extra. Thank you so it when I left team both so much. I miss you. Get it. Yeah, come to me, don't come me. She gifts, you gives, she gets faith that she gets luck. Don't don't judge me too hot. Don't judgments. The fashion police. Don't come for me. I...

...styled the self by the best just the beginning. We're gonna do go. Oh my goodness, you recording. Adore. Confess your mess is a straw. Helped media podcast produced by Ryan Tillotson and Frank Driscol. Thank you so much for listening, and don't forget to subscribe and share and if you have a secret you want to share, go to confessor mess on us to submit your secret. Could end up in the show as your ma.

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