Confess Your Mess
Confess Your Mess

Episode · 1 month ago

Vegan Farts & Special Pants w/ Candice Thompson


This week, the guys are joined by comedian and writer Candice Thompson to tackle some non-romanic relationship secrets coviering roomates, neighbors, coworkers & friends with Benefits. And Candice reveals both her sqeaky clean and stinky sides. If "outside pants" means anything to you, then this is 100% the episode for you.

Candice performs regularly at The Comedy Store and is a staff writer for Netflix and Comedy Central. You may have seen her on Late Night With Stephen Colbert, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Lights Out With David Spade, Roast Battle and New Negroes on Comedy Central, Joe Rogan Experience, Harry TV, NBC's Last Comic Standing, Bring the Funny, E!'s The Comment Section and Just For Laughs. She is the co-host of Nosy Neighbors podcast on Spotify.

If you'd like a chance to hear your secret revealed on the podcast, you can submit your secret on our website:

IG: @_AJGibson / @EmileEnnisJr / @ConfessYourMessPodcast

Twitter: @AJGibson / @EmileEnnisJr / @ConfessPodcast

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From Straw Hut Media

STRAUT media. Um, just FYI this morning, and by this morning I mean twenty minutes before we start taking this podcast, you were sitting on the Sofa and you were like, you have the biggest pimple on your nose. Do you know it's? I popped it that it's on the other side. I can't see. Okay, it was white. You never get pimples on your nose. I've been stressed with this wedding planning and everything. I feel like my voice isn't up to like there's a lot going on. This guess that we have this week, though. This person actually fun. Fact, technically, out of people who are in La, has known me the longest out of anybody in La. Wait, what? Yes, how about this, because hope we not met. You have met. Wait, when did we? Oh, we dire know best by best's right man, which he was trying to sell the TV so good. He was so good at when you were like, we don't need a TV, but sir, get a promotion. Yeah, but did we go get a TV, though? We did. Yeah, we should be so us. He was good. Best buy was Hollywood. That's where we ran to candid. But let me tell you something. So candae Thompson is our guest. She is a super talented comedian. You seen her all over. She's a regular to comedy store. She has been on so many different show I can't even list them all. And then she also her on is the host of the Hilarious podcast with Chinna do, who knocka nosy neighbors, so good, by the way, which is on spotify. It's a spotify exclusive and I listen. They didn't notice I listened every single week. Our podcast comes out on Thursdays to by. Listened every single weekend. It's just seen in the car together like week were. So yeah, so good. It's a fun listen to. They put like sound effects of music and some of anyway. It's a blast. So check that out on spotify. When I was doing my internship in La, which was the first time I kind of came to La at the time, my cousin Chnie was out here and you're driving what car? I was driving Toyota Corolla, and you thought you were so fun. I thought I was so I have my my drake going, you remember the songs like during that sor like I had I was going down highland avenue and I just thought was so cool. But candice was my roommate. She was my cousin Nie's Roommates and then she was my room and they had like a third room that was kind of like an office but it was a it was a sofa bed in there for shelter animals. So right, right, and so that's where I stay. And so because of that, canvass nonal along is now another fun fact. We've kind of talked about this in the episode with Terrell Grace. I don't want to be a singer, but I have things I want to check off my bucket list. One was audition. She's already laughing. One was auditioning for the voice. So when I auditioned for the already know. When I auditioned for the boys, you know I didn't get to. When I see audition, I don't mean like the people who make it on TV with the judges. They weren't. There's nobody turning you right around. I mean there's an open call all and you go there and you stand in line. I was interviewed by MBC for Los Angeles, which I was very happy to wow, and I got my own vocal. It was I'll put the outfit on Instagram, if I can find it. It was. I got it all from express. I wore a red button up shirt with a black tie, whoo, and a carding, the Great Cardigan. And then are you trying to dress up? You're trying to match mess u. So yeah, and I had some black and red super if you remember, the supers throw up on them. I Day clean them for you. So I warred that outfit. And, Y'all, let me tell you my audition song was, because candas knows it because I was sing it all around the house every day, very high. She would come home from work and I was at home and I was singing. I was bull by the river. When I tell you, I got to river and they were like thank you by that, that is enough. But every single day can't is to come home and I would be singing. I was like that's like, is it okay if if I practice my auditions? Eventually I started practicing the car. Anyway, welcome to the pod, candice, what an intro during that hole inside. That's wild. That was very true. That listen. Early in a relationship I would tell everybody like yeah, you auditioned for the voice, like I was so proud of that fact like that. He's got gumption. He's out there making it happen and everybody's like, oh, how hard he naked is the first question. Did people turn around their chairs out like Oh, you didn't make it that far. And the next question is, Oh, what are they sing? I'm like, I don't know, some hymn, something, some to the south, I don't know. I think it's just say that, but I don't know if I could say is the wrong song. This the wrong song. Is what the answer should be. candide, we are very excited to have you on. You know, on your podcast, you guys get submissions and you you source the different websites for what's going on... the neighborhood and get all these crazy stories from the Internet, which is which is wows. He's been listening to that stuff and getting updates on his phone forever. Oh yeah, always telling the SI APP. I have the ring apt because we have our little round door Ben with the people write in there. Is Crazy. I get so nervous I don't want know. Woman brand right. There's always, if you have the citizen nap in La, there's always somebody brandishing the knife. And I haven't heard the word, brandishing in years and that, like like that APP and also weapons. He's all types of things you can shake somebody yeady also trying to do was hilarious and he's low key been one of my straight craziers for many, many years. I'm a fan of trying to really T he's easasy to look at. His voice is good too, so it's time win. And also shout out to Kanelia, because Kanelia is one of our really good friends and she is a researcher and writer on that show. So listen, we love the POD and we're so happy to have you on and AJ before for we get into our segment. Yeah, our very first segment. We gotta let the people know. Go to Itunes, right, right, comment, that's right. Scribe. Also spotify. Yeah, you can reign on spotify. radies are going up, but we're not getting a lot of reviews lately. So we amerciate a review. People. What's going on? What is going on? Y'All are and here's the thing. We're getting ratings. Yeah, but you're not actually writing the review. So we're not going to tell you again. That told you. Man. That's like the committed levels just not quite there yet. Like people, like enough to like click five stars, but not enough to tear, like to say great jobs. Just a little too much, just a little too much egoes refragile. So please, please help us out. Okay, so that's how you can help us. Canvas, though, but before we get into our actual the meat and potatoes of this thing, you know we're going to be revealing what canvass vegans? She'll eat me. Oh yeah, that's right. Okay, well, listen. I'm from hires. Listen. I did a whole segment about veganus while my radio show recently too, and I got dragged. So, before we get into the Kombucha and what else, you eat? Yeah, tot else. No, I don't know. You guys don't understand. I'm like the worst kind of like the nerdiest he'll be is like, I don't even even know here, like they'll eat like those meets that don't do, those fake meets. I don't do. So food and a possible process. Wow, no, I don't trust those. No, I just try to avoid process foods in general. So, like most of my stuff come from like whole foods. Like I'll do like lots of salads. I'll do like actual food, like sweet potatoes. Things are okay. Actually, you know that. Whoa some that were into that side. Its potatoes. Yeah, that's right. Okay, that's real. I thought I was being healthy one time. Make myself in the possible Burger and I've died. This is so much sodium in there. My stomach was yeah, bubble guts. Yeah, unless they want to you, unless they was less wary sponsor us, then yes, I love it's fantastic, oh my God. But yeah, so before we get into the listeners submitted secrets and confessions today, we just want to know that you're like down to player, like you can hang right. We can trust you with our listeners, with our messengers, because they're very important to us. So you brought us a secret, a confession, that you're going to share a little bit later on the pot. This is not that moment, so hold on to that one. This is like a little TV, teeny tiny secret. Maybe it could be maybe a vice, maybe a bad habit, that you have something in your life that you know wasn't necessarily great for you, but you just haven't been able to let it go up to this point. This is your mess. But yeah, but yes, Oh man, this is it. I'm so I'm usually so transparent about everything, but I mean, I guess this ties into the Vegan stuff. But on occasion she's has a lot of gas. same girl. I like don't mind, like I enjoy it sounds. I enjoying the smell, like sometimes I get impressed by it. Sometimes I get it's appointed if I dago by and I didn't have a good one, like I listen, listen. Okay, I'm going to say this real quick. It's so good to have somebody else who is cute and adorable and passes gas, because I'm also very guilty of this, and I know we like to think that like like pretty people, like US candice, like Pretty Pretty People, like somebody taking my pass gas. Let's tell you what I sometimes oh my gosh, I started taking enzymes because I'm like, okay, something wrong, and it's when I eat healthy, if I eat anything green or like you're clean piece of chicken, like game over every single time. And this poor man will come to best. Sometimes I hold some morning radio shows, so I have to go to bad earlier, and so I'm in bed a couple hours ahead of him. He'll come in there. Sometimes they'll be like I'll wake up and I'm like why is there? Why is he lighting the match right now? What's happening? And he's like lighting matches all over the bedroom. Let me go see you. Let me tell you something. So my mom was just in town, by the way. By the way, she asked about she was like how's candice, but also signe. Are you still in the same place that that we were? No,...

I actually just just moved in September last year, so it has been yeah, it had been in that long, but they finally got rid of me. The building got I wasn't going anywhere. I was like I'm going to rank control place that I lock three bed rooms and I play all to mysel yeah, yeah, after Shanis left, after Chanis Laft, I had a roommate move in, but then I kicked him out because he was trashed. And then so I had to myself help for like almost three years, which was amazing, and then the building got bought and then the new owners were going to renovate, so they gave me a little bit of money to leave. There wasn't that much money at all for as long as I've been there, but I found a place literally walking destin the way, which was great, wanted to say in them. Yeah, I was very nostalgic. So I drove by there literally this past weekend and I saw they painted it like black and white and I was like they should have kept it what it was. But but all that to say, she was in town and I took the dog out, because we have a dog, Kingston. I took the dog out to use the restroom and then at one point, I forgot what it was, she went to the restroom and then she came back out and I was in there talking to age because he had gone to bed, and I came back out there and she was standing staring at the dog and she's like did he poop when you took him outside, and I was like yeah, why? There's just this smell. So I go to Aj and I'm like, before you went to bed, when you walk from the kitchen, did you fart? And he's like, Oh God, and I went back out and mom was like wait, that was him. She's like it's lingering, like its lingering in the air and I was like now you know what I do with that. To go to the bedroom and getting matches, bring them out there. I just listen, we went. We Miss Sharon comes to town and she requests Joe's Krab Shack. So we drove an hour to Rodondo beach to get buckets and buckets of crab legs and mess the stomach that she had. It had them since two thousand and nine. So it it our attempt to be like good a, goot me a good son in law. Yeah, we and that my stomach was mess oh take the will. But also, is anything, do anything? We have matches on the ready. Listen, you passed, you're ready to go. We trust you, and your stomach is always ready to go. Want to get into it to under our first confession. Yes, I love it. It came from an animal. That's that's the he was like. That didn't come from a human. And me, me living with him, I can decipher which is which, because they both think. But I know who it came from. where it came from is either me, him or Kingston. Okay, so every single episode we have a different thing. So the theme for this episode these secrets, because of the nosy neighbors podcast we did. Roommates, neighbors, co workers and friends with benefits. All right, so we have a little Muss secrets. So the first one comes from anonymous female in Brooklyn. HMM, this could be some of my family. Yeah, I have lost farming. It could come, yeah, my Auntie's who knows? Always like the speculate, like the only people in Brooklyn are the for people that we know are the six people. But we go okay, she said married, Mama Three. Our bedroom is in the back of the House and our neighbors, a married couple's bedroom is visible from our bedroom window when the blinds are open. Who About? A year ago we caught our neighbors having sex with the blinds open, clearly performing for us. I don't know what came over me and my husband, but we thought it was so hot it had sex with our blinds open and tandem. It felt so forbidden and exciting. It's completely unspoken. Who wrote this? We never talked about it. When we see each other out and about it only happened a couple of times since, a couple of times, but my husband and I talked about how we hope it happens again. It's added a new spark to our admittedly dull sex life. Yes, I, Oh my God, plotting this. I love it. You know it's amazing. Yeah, why not? I guess so, Baby, I don't act like you are shy. All know I'm here for it. I'm just thinking, because you know, we are in apartment building in La we watched people one time after sex, we think they were. They we looked out because we're going to bed and we turned all lights out and we were closing the blinds and then we saw we saw like two floors down. They were just walking around naked. I were like, Whoa, what's going on? So we ducked down. We're peeking. I was just watching them all time. And the other guy, I think in the same apartment, but the different people living there. Like Oh, year or two ago, this guy just going to his room all the time and just like Masie, they saw at once, but we wouldn't see him like he but he would do it like under the sheet. Yeah, it was weird, or like under his underwear, but with the windows open, because here's the thing. In our building it's like you can look in the people's apartments and see what's going on in their lives. It's very fascinating but also, like I understand, it's kind of like who should we be doing this? But yeah, can't swear your thoughts on this couple. I well, I mean it's very exciting from for a single woman who like having someone, has had some in a little bit this broad this probably a little bit of excitement to... I'm like, Oh my goodness, I wish I had to be like that outside of my window. I don't. I just have like some Weird Guy Cross the street. For you guys like a garage sales every other weekend, and that's what I'm but if for me, like if that was me and I'm seeing like this, I'm seeing a couple of cross street having sex, and let's say I was in a relationship and I was having sex with a guy, for me, I feel like it would turn competitive. I'm picturing like pitch perfect. You know the movie pitch perfect, when they just have like the thing off. Yeah, and they're like, oh, we can do and I was like look what we can do, and then we next thing you know, we have a sex swing. I pulled a hamstring. Oh my God. Yeah, my ex had a swinging this window. Number that what my ex had a sex swing in this window. Remember that? Oh, yeah, over on from Fountain Avenue. Yeah, the front window people drive by, you drive by, I see hanging there. Listen, we don't, we don't judge your kings, are your fetishes whatever. And you know, the thing is, hopefully you and your partner, hopefully you talk to each other about what this could possibly mean. Maybe you're into that, maybe you want to invite them over and instead of but it could just be the thrill of them being far away and it's like we know they see us, but we don't know that they see us, type thing, even though they stay right. Are secretly like they're like, okay, amy, so we're gonna WE'RE gonna have sex at six. So if you guys will, yeah, you have to do it around that time. Just we know where I schedule. Yeah, because actually, if it's helping your relationship to do this, I mean you don't need to ever do it together. So as a for someome right, maybe this is plenty. Because for a long yeah, because for a lot of couples where I come from, like, for instance, porn right, this is almost like a he said that was so much like force poor, but this is almost like a version of port a waste. It's not that different than watching like a Webcam or watching a video. It's just sort of in real team and there's no interaction taking place. It's all completely safe and and obviously consensual. If they're looking back and forth in the windows are open. Yeah, and I think something that works for you and I is that because, truth be told, like we're both kind of into the idea, idea of like somebody seeing us, are catching us. I think a lot of people actually are, but they just don't want to admit it. Necessarily want to. Yeah, but the thing that makes our relationships so like we've been together ten years and like the sex is still incredible. But before we before we like whatever you're about, because I don't know what you about. He's just like sorry about it. Good, you good. But I think the the idea is the thing that's actually very sexy. Right, okay, for us, talking about things and talking about okay, Areos is always what turns us all right, right, and then we have like wild sex, right well, or or if or if one of US comes home from the gym and maybe there's like a hot guy and we saw him like naked for a moment the locker room or in a towel or something like that, or maybe somebody grinned at us or gate us, like a little bit of a wink or a look at the gym and like, okay, that's hot, it is hot, but then we come home to the other person have like wild sex, like I can best. Yeah, I can tell if he's had like a good gym session. I can tell somebody hit on because I'll usually get some that right. And then I'm like, you see something like the gym and usually like maybe I that that's not that's not necessarily the case, but does it happen? Occasional? League, possibly, possibly this couple. I think it's fantastic. And relationships are hard. Yeah, you know, maintaining like a relationship is difficult and especially keeping the spark alive. That's not well, the fact that they said our admittedly dull sex life. Yeah, say no, yeah, at least self aware. That's all right, all right. So what's not dull is the rest of these secrets. Even though I don't know if we said this, we haven't seen any of these secrets. We read them a live for the first time. You were to read some more in a second right after this commercial break. Welcome back to confess your mess. A lot of laughs today canvas. You're hilarious, by the way, and I'm so sorry. Almost sort of forgotten meeting you invest by the second I remembered that needing the second I said it. He's like you have those like Oh, you're right, best buy, so many things kind of plays, and it was me personally. I just run into candie randomly around lay like. I definitely ran into in the parking lot. Hope. WHO's that one time? Well, she eats a lot of let us. Yes, that's trucks. I do. I live there actually. Yeah, that was so. I was doing the lawn I go. I go there for local honey whenever allergies flare up every year. Although you're not. I found out recent you can't have honey either if your Vegan, because the bees work too hard for it. That is that is a thing that a lot of vegans don't do. I'm not one of those vegans. I do. I'm one of those vegans like hell first, so I do whatever my body tells me I need to do, and if it's healthy for me, honey is very good for you. Good, and so I do the RAW. I do do the raw local honey that I usually go to the farmer's market to get that rebra honey and be pollen together gives it's like jam packed with so many vitamins and minerals that like it's so good for you. I was like, why would I not...

...want to put that in my body face and he beab listen. Listen. That's that part, because we need to talk actually about this, because I was looking into about a month or so ago, or a couple months ago, are allergies really start to flare up really, really bad, and I woke up one morning, like a Saturday or Sunday, and I was on a mission to go by him local be like local honey, because his we're killing him. Mine were pretty bad too, and I ended up getting a couple different types of super expensive honey at whole foods that were both local. But the the pollen, the be pollen, I didn't think about that. So I need to find out where you go. What what are our assy bowls that we had this morning? Have be poly there's so good. Yeah, yeah, but you know what's fun? Fact, and this is why I'm just a wealth of ridiculous information that comes to health. But well, me, you, you, it's really hard for us to digest be pollen as it is. HMM. So you need to take have enzymes with it. So that's why, if he mixed the honey, the raw honey, with the bee pollen, the enzymes from the honey will make the beat pollen more digestible and readily absorbable. Readily absorbable, that absorbable in our bodies. Jesus that word. But anyway. So I put the bee pollen in the honey and I actually let it Fer Mint for like a couple of weeks and then I just take a spoon and eat it and it's so full and it lasts. The shelf life was like amazing, at last forever, and you can just take it whenever you want. Put it in your put it in your team. We're learning something. That so good. Side No, I was staring at whatever this poster is behind you for ever. I thought it said Onika and I was like, is that Nicki Minaj behind you with it says only me. That's me. You don't remember this poster hanging up in your bedroom when you were saying in what I remember? I do remember that. Oh Jesus, what is it? Okay, so, side Bar. When this was years ago, I'm talking about like this was probably in two thousand and eight. I shot a pilot that was basically like dirty rock, but for black people it was like it's thirty rock was about bet and I was playing a character that was a cohost of a show, remember, one hundred and six in part. Yeah, this was loften and Chris show wow with me and Damon Wayne Jr. Yeah, we were the COOS. And so this was one of the posters that was hanging in the hallway of this fake bet be off. Oh my God gosh, what all I could see was like the top part of it this whole time and I thought it looked like an ad for like some hair product of some yeah, I was like what is look at those curls. Oh my gosh, so good. Do just for me. ADDS on the side as a side. Hey, listen, you gotta do what you gotta do to make it out here in these streets, to go saying too good. Okay, so this next one is from anonymous male DC. Okay, after one of my best friends broke up with the boyfriend, the X and I hooked up during a threesome situation. HMM, we kept fucking for almost a year. Oh, the messy side of me enjoyed knowing that my sex was better than my best friend. Hashtag facts, hashtags. Sorry, not sorry. Oh, I experimented in the PNP scene with him also, and it definitely made the hookups even wilder. Because of the taboos, I eventually stopped fucking with him because, although my best friend put up with a lot of his bullshit in there to your relationship. I don't deal with goofy ass shit. Hashtag. Relax, Bro, we just fucking. What's paying of Peach Tags in there? Yeah, what? Wait, wait, frank wrote something in the notes. Way. Party in play. So I drugs and sex scene. Oh yeah, so like, okay, so like orgy parties. Okay, so cool. I'm okay with like everything. Like the Party and played, drugs, sex or G I'm okay with all that. I don't mind any of that stuff. That's fine. If that's if that works for you and you're in you're being safe in your consentsual adults. Fantastic. Great. Well, I've issue with the getting off on the fact that you're a better lay in your mind than your best friend. That part I have a problem with. I don't like people going behind people's backs and doing stuff like that. Yeah, and this person obviously knows that it's not right because they're getting it off their chest now, but then also like making a lot of jokes, using a lot of Hashta hashtags and cursing every now and then to act as if it's like calm down, Bro like well, right, yeah, candice. Well, I just think it's weird. Why are you so like? That doesn't sound like that's your best friend. Sounds like somebody you have some issues with and you're lying. I knew if I could put it down better than knew, like why are you even thinking about that? Thinking about my best friends that I'm like, I'm not comparing which one to us is better in bad but that's not even a thought. Yeah, I set my best friend flowers this week,... that's what I did for my best friend. Yeah, it's I think. I think there's a there's a layer to it. Of Yes, it's it's shouldn't be competitive, but also, I think because if they are in when we look at this again, oh, I experient pms with him also, in definitely the cut the one. If they are in the in the the PNP scene, then maybe he's thinking that as far as the sex goes, it's just sex, right. So, like their relationship aspect of it, the intimacy is one thing, but he's is looking at if we're having sex with all these people and we're doing orities and stuff like, that's just sex. I know for a fact that I can put it down better to my best friend and maybe they view sex differently than I'm just trying to. this is worded, it doesn't sound like it's just like sound like a best friend casual sex. Yeah, sounds like they're trying to literally stick it to the best friend. But yeah, better than you are at this thing or something. But can this? What are your thoughts? Because I'm always under the pretense that if if I had a best friend who broke up with their boyfriend, that boyfriend would be off limit. So I'm confused like that too. It's weird because I'm so close with my the people that I consider my best friends that you usually when they're dating somebody, that person is also become part of our family right. So for me it's like a lot of time I'm not even attracted to that person because they feel like a brother or a sister to me. So it's like I would never do that, especially and if I were in some weird world where I felt like that person was just so happened to be the one person that was for me. Maybe that's my soul make that's it. I would talk to my friend first and be like is this okay, because that's just yeah, no, that's not in my character at all to even want to be with some it's kind of it's just like sloppy seconds, like I don't not attractive to me at all. Yeah, this is what I remember. I had my best friend at the time. I lived in New York City years ago, you know the story, and I found out about six months after moving there with my partner, who had been for there three years or so. He's like my college sweetheart. Found out on his Motorola Razor flip phone that he was sleeping with somebody else and I confront of them about it. It didn't turn out well and and we broke up and the night that it happened I was devastated and then my best friend shows up and I'm like, Oh my God, you're so because I've been texting him and I was like, I love you so much, like we live in New York City. You got on a train or got me a taxi to come do this for me. It makes me feel so loved. I need you right now. Thank you, and he goes, oh, your x and I were going out tonight. We're going drinking. He's really upset and I'm like, wait, what, what do you mean? You guys are going out right now. You guys are going out for drinks. You know him because of me. Hmm, I introduced you too, and you're going out for drinks. The bit. And that was fifteen years ago. They're still best friends. They're still best friends. I'm not friends really with either of them, like I'm like, I talked to them from time to time. Wow, I'm kind but I was like wait, what, like he told like no, or I don't we're friends and have been friends ever. Are they feeling weird? Know they're both in Columbus now. You know them both, but that they stay in New York longer? No, and I think that they. I think that will. They both like to drink. HMM. They love the bar scene, they love the nightlife scene. They're both they both have a little bit at. They're both good people, but they're both a little bit like they have that Peter Pan Syndrome. We're like, I'm always a boy and I'll never grow up fully here. Broke up. Yeah, I want to stay in this cycle forever and and I yeah, I wait if I get that. But so, how long do they stay in New York after you left? Well, my boyfriend left within like a couple of months. Another guy another couple years. Maybe. Okay, well, I don't know, because I was going to say maybe it's just because you moved away, but it sounds like they just maintained that friends. Know, they've stayed friends for fifteen years and through all of it. And and the moment when I need my best friend, he showed up to go drinking with the guy who cheated on me. So, yeah, the true colors came signing through. I have thoughts on best friends acting the way that's so I know, that's just so bizarre to be because I could at least maybe understand that if, what if they were interested in one another? You know what I'm saying? Like Oh, because at least there's like a sexual attraction that they want to explore. But to to hurt your best friend to then just become a friend with someone else is very best, very weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a but we found over the years there's some weird people out there. Are, you know all a lot of were all in La Toys. Yeah, they're all here. I dated all of them to but also I feel like there's just there's a lot of brokenness and people, a lot of people don't know what we found this through the process of our wedding and inviting family and friends who don't even our STP won't have a conversation, won't respond to a text message. You know, my own step brother and his wife were supposed to come to the wedding and I'll I sent them a text just to follow up and all of...

...a sudden, out of blue, apparently they're not coming. Never ORECP and won't respond to my text and I'm like, we're family. So, like, I think people just don't like confrontation and they don't have the tools and their toolbox even have a conversation. For sure. They don't know how to communicate. Thost people don't know how to Quet it. Now for sure. All right, HMM. The next secret is from anonymous Colorado Springs really get up on that Mike. I just noticed that. Well, because, okay, looks like sometimes, let me talk times my back here. It sounds so I try. I try to like Living Mike also be honest. Kind of weird. I'm getting a headache because I put my hair up and this pulling in like one of my locks is pulling like right on my scalp and it's just and I think the the headphone is being pushed at y'all, I don't here anyway. Maybe I'll leave. You are down if you know, I just called you baby. As long as your hair is up on our wedding day, you can know whatever you want to. Anonymous Colorado Spring. We don't focus on these secrets. Colorado Springs Real, real fast story. We had a we were stuck on a plane in Colorado Springs. Yeah, like three hours. Yeah, because there was bad weather. We were ex flying to Denver and they're like we can't land in Denver and after circling forever, they're like we're gonna go land in Colorado Springs and we sat there for three hours. It was miserable, terrible, tiny ass plane. Okay, anonymous Colorado Springs, I find it weird visiting my place of work on my off day. I remember I worked at Walmart and specifically going to the other Walmart in town to avoid my co workers or managers. It just feels awkward to me, like Y'all are seeing in me my regular clothes. You what, that's adorable. That's the cutest. You just confession, but you're going to start like love a walmart. Oh, do you know? Only reason to go to a Walmart is to feel better about yourself, like, I don't know if I need to if not, unlike an elitist, but just like a one, more of a superficial physical like I am a the hottest person in this Walmart right now. I used to work in a Walmart. I worked at one in high school for like a month. They've told the story. You have some tell he knows my giving the look. I'm like, you have tell this story. Candice does not know. Um, where are you from? Ohio. I left that he hates this. You knew. Yes, I leave the I'm not even kidding about every third podcaster. Guess Somehow it's from Ohio. We're in Ohio since a NA. No Way, we were just there. Mike Okay. So we went to Jeff Ruby Steakhouse and took my dad there for seventh birthdayever because he you know it. Okay, what High Schools? You go to Princeton High School? Yeah, it's see. Okay, okay, do you know we were away? Do you ever go back there? I go back every Christmas. Okay, there is. There's Sushi restaurant up on a hill overlooking the water in that cute little neighborhood I was restaurants and bars. They're on the Cincinnati side, kind of by Hyde Park. It's called something else, I think. Oh, it's called the restaurants called tea. I don't know if it's still there. It's a Sushi restaurant. I've been there. I would haven't been there since, I like since before I move down younger. So we're talking like two thousand three, samely, same. Yeah, I got food poisoning from the fish Lord. She's like yeah, I remember that tea. Oh my Lott been there in the reas. Haven't been back. Is because they pours in my stomach. Circle moment. That's why I'm beating now. Dat Circling back. My first thing, I hold right. It all starts in Ohio, that hell again. HMMM MMM. Listen back to the Walmart though, the confession. Yes, I don't agree with this person, because you said that you went to the other Walmart in town because you didn't want your co working see you in your regular clothes. I was the opposite, I was saying. When I really like when I worked atnt in college, I would roll in there when I had not that like I didn't need to go there in my regular clothes. So you need to see what I look like. Yeah, side when I'm in my regular when I'm wearing my all due do browns. I used to wear all brown away and kindly Brown. So you need to see me floss into my all Brown Huh? So I'm blending in, looking like a snickers bar when I walk in because everything was just the same colors. So, yeah, you did where Hella Brown and we met lots of Brown. I was the same way. I would always go into work on my day off just be like, yeah, look how cute I am. Why? Right, this is what I look like in real life. You guys get broke down version of me. This is what I know. What this is. You just a stunt on people. Exactly, so I don't know. I don't understand the logic because to look it's looks better on her at work than she does in her that said, I mean unless, unless she didn't want to make her co workers feel but or a bank, because I don't know, unless they want to make their coworkers feel bad. They were like, let me just not my exposed them to like the the... and the grace that I exhibit when I'm outside of my work clothes. They they can't handle it. It canvas waded. What if nevilt she's a humanitarian? ha ha ha. Well, I'm carrying. When did when did those neighbors launch? How long has it been going? He launched it was so crazy. So it's hard for me because it all happened during the pandemic. So we did the pilot. Two pitched to to sell it as a show. We recorded that the week weekend that we went to lockdown. Wow, that was march of two thousand and twenty and then we didn't find out that it got picked up for episodes until July of two thousand and twenty and I think we started recording the episodes end of two thousand and twenty. So I think it dropped officially episodes like the beginning of two thousand and twenty one. MMM, do you find yourself, and now, now that you're look doing a podcast, you find yourself like less inclined. We like do your hair and make up and go step onto a set, like are are you still like it, as it changed the way you perceive, like what the word work means. You know, we all got lazy during the pandemic, right, we will all the sweatpants and just like I'm never putting a makeup ever again, right, and never doing my hair, not taking a shower. But I find like now I'm having to put in just as much effort because there's cameras that you'd like. There's video. It's not just audio, like with our podcasts. Yeah, but like everyone else's pocket, like you got like video. I had another podcast and I was doing there's video when I do my shows at night. Now there's can't ye professional photimeraphers taking pictures. So I'm like, what happened to us put effort anymore, because I'm constantly putting on makeup and have it. I didn't do my hair. I did put on a little something for this, but I like I'm not. I'm not brushing my hair. I luckily, if we just look over your shoulder, we see your true potential. So we're good to go. I'm saying that's candace with effort, that's a young canvas with popular eyes, not at home. We we know that. We know that well, we see that, we see the dream in those eyes. But you're doing it and we're going to do we're going to do this. Last secret before we get to your secret. This is anonymous male California. This person could be somebody that we know. I seared every day, whatever, every time. It is in California. For Real, it's their anonymous, but I'm just saying, HMM, they listen to the Pie. So it could be a friend, it could be a CO worker and it could be we probably don't know this and bit of good heads. Okay, my roommates, bff and I are secretly married. Wait a minute, whoa completely platonically. We just did it for the tax breaks. will get a divorce if we ever actually want to get married, and because of that we chosen not to tell anyone. Is Our little penny saving secret. If you're listening, if you're listening, I need you to DM me because our attack lady said that US getting married was the biggest mistake that we could possibly make. She's been saying that for years. He's like, don't get married, is not going to help you in your taxes, and we're like wait, what? Yeah, is that an urban legend? Why? She said that? It used to be that it was good to get married. Got All sorts of tax breaks, but the way that our income is earned, we have a combination of of you know, traditional income. They does get tax was a w two don't. I'm we're the ten ninety nines, and so we're like a mixed and we're also entertainers. So she's like it's not a good idea for you to to get married, and I was like late, so huh. So I'm just we been together ten years. We can't get married. If I thought finally getting married, like give us a tax break, and so they so what happened? You prove gay marriage and then a couple years later say, oh, there go the breaks that I don't like it. I don't know, I make that sounds that sounds about right. But because I the way I got my I just paid my taxes and I'm like thinking about. Should I just import a little tiny man from Taiwan and just Gett back, like, should I have a mail order husband? Listening, but now that you're saying that I don't, I can throw that plan by the wind. So I was really contemplating I just need to just get married because somebody. Well, I was ridiculous. I feel like justice. As a friend who just knows you casually, I feel like that, that that's probably a bad game plan on many levels. To begin with. However, wait, I mean, what's that show? Ninety eight. Yeah, I'm say, you could be or married at first sign there. There's plenty options for you. You are corrected, man, I should probably do serious yeah, just to make sure before we pull the trigger. But I understand, because the men in layer trash. I get it. I get it. I did, I do know some for I remember. We have, we do have friends that one of them, they're married, same sex couple, and one of them is not an American, and I remember what I first man. I was like, did you guys get married just so you could have a so you can become a citizen? Is that how it happened? Turns out they're very much in love with each other. You know we're talking about yeah, but yeah, listen, marriage is funny and yeah, if you want to use marriage as a tool to get something better out of life, who's to say? Like, who gets married? My Dad's married four times. I mean,..., he just gets married for fun. So, like, I I'm cool with it. Yeah, we're getting married, it says, gonna Happen, and apparently for love. Yeah, we're doing it for love. Apparently we don't get any tax breaks from it. Okay, so now we're going to take a quick break and we come back. Canvas is going to reveal her confession to us that is going to shock us all. Welcome back to the dress, your message, the moment evolved and waiting for funny girl candace Thompson is about to reveal her secret. Or you know. Okay, I've got to ask you, because are you anxious right now at all? No, I mean what I'm about to say I've actually said, like it's it is definitely something that most people don't know about me. Sure, like my closest even some of my clothes friends by I don't know that I'm really weird about what I'm about to say, but I've also said some other very personal things too. So I you know, I'm a comedian, sort like. I've very like, you know, interesting things, personal things on stage. I used to sharing that part of my like God, but there's a little part of it's like Hanna's. People don't know about this now too. Oh so we already knew about the gas or now we know about the Games. I'm about to find something else. Okay, it's time for you to confess your mess. Okay, so I have a little bit of OCD when it comes to germs and dirt. So I have little weird behaviors that I do that if somebody going to ever live with me, and you see, I mean no, you meal, you did live with you. You never even thought because I it's like will be in my bedroom. It's bedroom behavior. Got It is also bath room behavior. So here's the here's an example, but it is this living room behavior that I'm about to say. So I don't like when people come to my it's shoes off immediately. Shoes off immediately. I don't like shoes trecked through my house. But also it bothers me outdoor pants. I don't like outdoor pants. Let's not worth pants. There any her pants. We need a definition. I'm saying it's so casually because I this is how I speak, like yeah, everyone has indoor pants and outdoor pants. Wait, there are pants that I do not sit on my bed. If I would, let's say I just came from outside and I was gone for the day running errands and I went to a movie theater and I come home, I will not sit on my bed. I honestly, I don't even sit on my couch in these pants. Now, if I have other people that come to my house, obviously they have to wear their outdoor pants inside so they can sit on my couch. But let's say if it was a guy that I was seeing and I take him to my bedroom, I would not want his outdoor pants on my bed. Like I don't sit on my bed out in my in my jeans. I put on, for example, what I'm wearing right now. I have on my indoor these are like little sweatpants that don't see the light of day. They are inside pants. They've never been like in my car. They've never been on a bus, bitch, they've never okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Whoa I'm I'm not. I'm judging you. Okay, so I'm here for all of this. You did to say earlier, is been in since you got some doing there, that there's a chance that when a man comes over and he knows you're okay with like the D but not the jeans, like that might be a bit confusing. Usually the pasts are gone before he even comes to the bed, so it's not a really even a conversation. Oh okay. So so men be thinking you're like, I can't wait to get your clothes off of you, and you strip them down in the living room only because you don't want the jeans on the bed, right. So then they just said there were blue balls because you're like, oh no, we're not having sex. You just can't. Sorry, did you think that? No, no, no, you just can't have your outside pants. Yeah, side, definitely, you know. Okay, if you don't think that sounds a little funnier. Fans outside the front door, O my God, out of a man coming on. There he's a little one free quality. Like well, where did this come from? Like where is this? Pick it up for your family? Is it happened randomly in your twenties like a there's something led to this I don't know. I've always been weird about just dirt and germs. Like my mom is super clean. She cleans, but she doesn't. She doesn't, but hate like she doesn't have a problem, I don't think, sitting on the back. I've never asked her, though, so you would have a problem sitting on her bed in her jeans. But I was brought up in a house and where my mom likely bleach on everything. She would always like. So I think that's probably where it started. And then also I was like a science major... college, so like you know, microbiology, and I took a lot of like so I know that that is probably a part of it and I have gotten better as I've gotten older. But to me the thing is I just I see, I see like when people are outside, and I just I just think about like on a roller coaster and I think about the subway in New York and I think about all those asses that have been in those seats. Yeah, and they white down, and I think about people, I think about sitting there and I'm like, I don't want that in my in my wow, I mean, it's logical. It's logical. You sound crazy, but it's very well think about this. Yeah, I think put their shoes on their couch. I'm like, what are you not saying? So we we there are certain things we won't do, like shoes don't go on the couch. We don't wear shoes on our road. It's got a new white rug. We don't do shoes on the bed. That's kind of stuff. Like on the kitchen counter. I've never set my shoes up there right side maybe upside down. If I'm getting dressed real quick, I might do that for a moment. Still traveling, but we have dog and our dog is on the couch with us all the time. He rolls around here, side tended there. Yeah, he smells every pile of hope and then comes up on that couch like it's nothing. He rubs all of the elevator sniffing every yeah, here's the thing, though. So helping me is that I have a cat now. Yeah, it's he's helping me come out of my shell because I she's not an outdoor cat, so I don't have to worry about her like. So she's not another jobs pool, but like she's in a litter box, which is kind of gross, you know, and so and she's got hair everywhere. So it's helping me to, you know, come out of the shale and just be like, Hannis, you have to live in the world and be okay, and as I don't let it affect me like in like relationships, like if a guy came and sat on my I would be like get out. I would think about it for a second. I'd be like, okay, canvas, this is under rooms. Get over it where you're not going to die. Just worst case scenario, get your comforter clean. Oh conversation that I would have in my head, but I wouldn't like lose the relationship over it, because I know these are my issues and I know that I'm getting better. So I would just had to be patient with myself. This literally makes so much sense. I all these years I thought it that I had a dream, but I remember back when I live with candice like I because I still walk around the house of my shoes on. I remember there's one time at midnight I went to get some water and canvas was in the scarf and she was just swiffering away and I was like, what's going on? Are you lying right now? Yeah, okay, I do care. You Imagine, like I go to bed and Knis like he's always walking around these shoes on. Listen, this man right here, this man right here doesn't know how to close a toilet seat or like aim in the middle of the I have my own I have my own bathroom. I don't. He does. I'm no, no, I'm saying when I lived there, I have my own bathroom. All I'm just saying, I can understand why you might kick his ass out. And one time, one time, I got up to shower for work and the sewage have backed up into the shower. It did, wit, she's just hearing this for the first time ever, stepping in that shower and and they had to call the what? She don't lived there in more but oh yeah, they have to call on the people to but it was like all black like at the bottom of the shower. It was disgusting. It was disgusting. That was the thing about that old place. So that place was so old like and the the old manager, she was an old lady and she never took care of it, and so, like the carpets were disgusting. So I actually I wouldn't care people wore those shoes in that place because I always had my own pair of flip flocks, the house shoes that I wore. My feet ever tech the ground. So because that place was it was just old and I we stay there that long because it was rank control the you it was, dude. We have three D room we had a parking garage. He had a lemon cry in the backyard. We have parking all the all day on that, not lementry and the Mayard, be honest. Well, I guess I felt like the house shoes, I can get down with that. That makes a little more sense, but the outside pants and the inside pants, that one's God. That's going to stick with me for the rest of my life. When it's and we're not, we're not, we're not judging you, and it's in really, she's weird. She's like, I'm not nervous, but never since she told us the secret, she won't stop playing with her hair. Right now, right, just pick it up on this. She's like, I'm fine, I'm totally fine. Listen, candice would not be okay free, she would not be okay with when we were air being being and then we had that one air BMB person who came into our bedroom and pete on the carpet. So that's another story for another day. While we were watching date line. Yeah, surefined. Yeah, we'll tell that to you one time. Yeah, we call the COPS. But this has been absolutely fantastic, every single episode. I'm before we we end the episode, we like to ask you from this podcast, what was your takeaway of the day? Oh, my takeaway of the day, I guess, is that I need help. I think you're lovely. A little...

...bit a little bit strange, but that revealed. But I think you're lovely. Listen, we just know you have a clean and and and spotless home, so that is an attractive trait. Yeah, Hey, guys, still a little bit more normal. Also remind our listeners before we go where they can follow you on your personal socials, as well as where they can listen to nosy neighbors. Yep, you can fall on me at jokes by candace, and that's C and D see, not ace, and that's on social media. And then for the PODCAST, it's a spotify original, so you can go and only find that on spotify. So good, so good. Here's so much fun, and so it was. Spoke, so fun hanging out with you somewhere other than a TV aisle at best buy, so or in the parking line at hope boots. Yeah, so what becomes thee one of your shows? Yeah, and this is always becoming here in La. She is an extremely talented media Oh, funny enough. Sorry, last thing about before we let you go. Tell me. If I'm correct, I was telling you AJ Gerard Carmichael. I believe when I was living with y'all, we went to see one of his shows, that the Improv on Mel Roads. Okay, he's a friend of mine. I've know your rod for years. Yeah, so, yeah, so, I don't know. He's not. He came out on his last special. Yeah, killed it on us. I don't ness. No, we watched off and then he had a shown. M See that. I was like, I'm pretty sure. Back when I live with candace and Schneese, we went and I that was one of the first comedy shows I saw it here in La. Not a bad one. Full Circle, moment, poor and now all the money he is doing fine now can this. We Adore you. Thank you so much and we will see you soon. Love you, guys. Thanks for having me. Love confess. Your mess is a Straw head media podcast produced by Ryan Tilton and Frank Driscol thank you so much for listening and don't forget to subscribe and share. And if you have a secret you want to share, go to confessor mess thought us to submit your secret could end up in the show Bo.

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